Game Overview:
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This is the monthly game for July 2026.
Have you seen that 1973 future dystopian comedy, Sleeper? No? That’s okay. In that film there’s a shiny metal ball called the Orgasmatron, which creates an increasing state of sexual excitement in the person holding it. The main character (who has been in cryogenic stasis since the 1980s) attends a party where the partygoers sit in a circle taking turns holding the Orgasmatron as long as possible. Once one’s excitement level begins threatening his or her ability to maintain composure, it is passed along to the next person, kind of like sharing a joint, but with greater potential for embarrassment.
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Well, the Fortuna version denies selected players the option of passing the Orgasmatron, even though those feelings “down there” are getting really really intense (yikes!). Players sit in a circle on a curved, fuzzy gold sectional while Strawberry Alarm Clock blares on the hi-fi through groovy, oversized tower speakers. Your sandaled feet are just visible between the enormous flair of your bell bottom pants and the thick, fibrous strands of Fortuna’s bespoke avocado shag carpet.
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While the Orgasmatron has been freely passed from person to person, whoever winds up with it keeps it. Erotic passion builds up until it overwhelms that player and he/she expires in an embarrassingly moist, life-ending climax. While horrifying and a bit risque, your death by Orgasmatron also signifies the single greatest pleasure you’ll ever experience. Try as they might, the guys at the morgue will never remove that creepy, exhuberant smile permanently affixed across your face. This game puts the fun in funeral.
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Action to Take:
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Before July begins, click the CHOOSE YOUR PROPHYLACTIC button at the top or bottom of this page. Choose one of the four Prophylactic options: REVERSO, SKIPPY, JOYRIDE or JOYRIDE REVERSO.
(These terms are explained below.) Note: If you don’t take this step, you’ll still be included in the game, but you’ll probably be eliminated more quickly.
Objective:
Survive multiple rounds of random sextermination. The last surviving player wins the game and the prize money. But it’s a bittersweet victory. Sure, you’re alive and a little bit richer. But you’ll spend the rest of your life haunted by the memories of your friends’ hedono-morbid expirations. You’ll struggle with the fact that, while you may experience your own petite morts, you’ll never know the once-in-a-deathtime pleasure of their petitemortal final fantasies.
How it works:
There will be four rounds during July – one each weekend (so yes, we’re celebrating the 4th of July with fireworks, so to speak). For each round, the Orgasmatron will eliminate approximately 25% of the Players in the Group. The Orgasmatron will continue its weekly dread-ticipated orbits until only one Player is left wearing unspoiled undergarments, simultaneously relieved and disappointed about surviving.
Doomselector number: This number determines who winds up with the Orgasmatron. Each week, the Doomselector number will be the 2nd number (white ball) chosen in the preceding Wednesday’s Powerball drawing.
Setting up the game: Players are arranged in an ICP (Initial Circle Pattern). This just means they'll be arranged in order of highest assigned lottery numbers from their Powerball tickets.
Game Play:
Round 1 / Week 1 Example Game:
There are 13 players in our example game. They take their seats. The fun is about to begin. The Doomselector number for Round 1 is 15. They are arranged as follows:
Beginning with the player in the 12-O’Clock position (We’ll say that’s Ann, because she’s probably closest to 12 o’clock), we’ll use the Doomselector number and begin counting clockwise*.
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*”Clockwise” refers to a top-down perspective on the circle where the players are arranged, as if we’re hovering above and looking straight down. Each player passes the Orgasmatron to the Player on her left.
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The Doomselector number being 15, starting with Ann as #1, we’ll begin counting in a clockwise direction around the circle. Therefore, Bob is #2, Claire is #3 and so on. Counting around the circle, we get back to Ann, who is now #14. We count one more, to reach the Week 1 Doomselector number (15). Therefore, eyes wide with the realization that he’s going to be the first to die the happiest death imaginable, Bob clings the ball tightly as he’s overwhelmed by dizzying, life-ending ecstasy. (I’ve removed the grisly image of Bob’s horrific demise from the diagram in the interest of public decency.)
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Before we proceed with the sample game, let's talk about the available prophylactics that can shield you from the PTSD (Physically Transmitted Sexy Doom).
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PROPHYLACTICS: Prior to the start of the game, each Player is encouraged to choose one of the following prophylactics using one of the buttons on this very page:
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Skippy: No, it’s not a peanut-butter-based defense. Rather, when the Orgasmatron selects a Player protected by Skippy, it skips that Player and passes to the NEXT Player in the rotation. In our example, if Bob had been protected by Skippy, the Orgasmatron would have been redirected in the same direction (clockwise) to Claire. Bob would have survived thanks to his Skippy prophylactic.
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Reverso: When the Orgasmatron selects the Player protected by this prophylactic, Reverso causes it to instead reverse direction and pass to the PREVIOUS Player in the rotation. In our example, if Bob had been equipped with Reverso, the Orgasmatron would have been redirected back (counterclockwise) to Ann. Bob would be spared thanks to his Reverso protection.
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Joyride: When the Orgasmatron selects the Player protected by this prophylactic, instead of lingering with her, the Joyride defense adds an extra rotation through the Players, maintaining the current direction of travel. The extra rotation will be the same as the current Doomselector number. In our example, if Bob had been protected by Joyride, the Orgasmatron would temporarily stop with Bob, and then start a new rotation of 15 Players beginning with Claire. Claire would be #1, then Dev as #2 and so on. In this example, the 15th Player at the end of that extra rotation would be Dev. Bob would be spared thanks to the Joyride prophylactic.
Joyride Reverso: This prophylactic functions the same way as Joyride, but instead of maintaining the current direction of travel, the direction of travel is reversed. In our example, if Bob had been equipped with Joyride Reverso, the Orgasmatron would temporarily stop on Bob. Another rotation would be added. But instead of beginning the new count with Claire (going in the same direction), the extra round would begin with Ann, now going counterclockwise due to the Reverso effect of the prophylactic. Ann would be #1, Marv would be #2 and so on until Marv (#15) would be selected at the end of that added rotation.
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Single-use rule: Prophylactics vanish after one use. Once a Player’s prophylactic has deflected a Player’s union with the Orgasmatron, she is left unprotected for the remainder of the game.
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Reversal permanence: When a Player’s Reverso or Joyride Reverso prophylactic changes the direction of travel for the Orgasmatron, the device will continue to travel in the new direction until the final round or another Player’s Reverso or Joyride Reverso prophylactic is used, altering the direction of travel anew.
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Just to be clear, no one is protected by any prophylactic in our example game. So we’ll pick up where we left off, with Bob’s horrorgasmic, climactic departure from the mortal realm.
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Sample game, continued
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As we’ll eliminate 3 Players in Week 1, Bob’s elimination was only the first notch on the Orgasmatron’s horrifying bedpost! To resume, we’ll again apply the Doomselector number and begin counting with the next person, Claire, who is now the new #1 in our count to 15.
Continuing the count around the circle, Eva is selected as #15, so it’s now her turn to go out with a bang. There's one elimination to go, but you get the idea. But you’re probably aching to know who wins. Feel free to work it out! As you do, don’t forget to apply a new, random, Doomselector number each simulated week. We have one more elimination to go in Week 1. (Spoiler, finishing up this round, you'll make Iggy pop.) Three Players should be eliminated in Weeks 2 and 3, leaving 4 Players to be eliminated in Week 4, the final Round.
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Winning:
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The last surviving player is the winner. I can’t figure out a scenario where this game could end in a tie. Nonetheless, in the unlikely event of a tie, the standard tiebreaker shall be employed to determine exactly one winner.